Proposed new Surgeon General warning labels for alcohol.........
     
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up 
     with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck 
     at 100 yards.
     
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in 
     dancing like an asshole.
     
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the 
     same boring story over and over again until your friends 
     want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
     
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay 
     shings like thish.
     
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the 
     boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt 
     at the office Christmas party.
     
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe 
     that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone 
     them at 4 in the morning.
     
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering 
     what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
     
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over 
     in the morning and see something really scary (whose 
     species and or name you can't remember)
     
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of 
     inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
     
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion 
     that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some 
     really, really big guy named Psycho.