She does not GET PMS
             She becomes HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
  
       She does not have A KILLER BODY
             She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
  
       She is not A BAD COOK
             She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
  
       She is not A BAD DRIVER
             She is AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
  
       She is not a PERFECT 10
             She is NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
  
       She is not EASY
             She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
  
       She does not HATE SPORTS ON TV
             She is ATHLETICALLY BIASED
  
       She does not have SEXY LIPS
             She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
  
       She does not get DRUNK
             She is ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED
  
       You do not ask her TO DANCE
             You request a PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
  
       She is not A GOSSIP
             She is a VERBAL TERMINATOR
  
       She does not WORK OUT TOO MUCH
              She is an ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
  
       She does not have A GREAT BUTT
             She is GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
  
       She is not HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
             She is MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
 
       She is not COLD OR FRIGID
              She is THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
  
       She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
             She is COSMETICALLY OVER SATURATED
  
       She does not have GREAT CLEAVAGE 
             Her breasts are  CENTRALLY LOCATED
     
       She will never GAIN WEIGHT
             She will become A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
     
       She is not A SCREAMER OR MOANER
             She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
  
       She does not SHAVE HER LEGS
             She experiences TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
  
       She does not have A HARD BODY
             She is ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
  
              She does not SUN BATHE
             She experiences SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
  
       Her breasts will never SAG
             They will LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD >>