This should give you the information to figure out all of those 
questions you have been asking me about why you can't find a good woman.


 What She Really Means
 
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 At long last... The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she
 says something. Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later).
 
    * You want = You want
    * We need = I want
    * It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
    * Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
    * We need to talk = I need to complain
    * Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
    * I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
    * You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
    * You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
    * I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
    * Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
    * This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
    * I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
    * I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
    * Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
    * I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
    * Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
    * How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really
      not going to like.
    * I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good
      game on T.V.
    * Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
    * You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
    * Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
    * Yes = No
    * No = No
    * Maybe = No
    * I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
    * Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get
      used to it.
    * Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him
      until he goes to sleep.
    * I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
    * All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying
      that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe
      department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD
      those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you
      bring your checkbook?
 
 (The answer to "What's wrong?")
 
    * The same old thing = Nothing
    * Nothing = Everything
    * Everything = My PMS is acting up
    * Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
    * I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam