Even if you
aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the 
humor of the slopes as written in this account by a 
New Orleans newspaper.


A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to 
Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's 
heart.  Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the 
toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're 
having fun" kind of day.  One of the women in the group
complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a 
restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was 
relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room 
for female skiers in distress.  He was wrong, of course, and 
the pain did not go away. 

If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in 
you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero 
doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed 
her options.  Her husband, picking up on the intensity of
the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white 
ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever 
notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than 
adequate camouflage.  So she headed for the tree line, began 
disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever
parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right 
way and a wrong way to set your skies so you don't move. 
Yup, you got it.  She had the skies positioned the wrong way.  
Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments.

Without any warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, 
out of control racing through the trees, somehow missing 
all of them, and on to the slope. Her derriere and the reverse 
side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she 
was picking up speed all the while she continued on backwards, 
totally out-of-control, creating an unusual sight for the other 
skiers.  The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely,
back under the lift, and finally collided violently with a 
pylon. The bad news was she broke her arm and was unable 
to pull up the ski pants.  At long last her husband arrived, 
put an end to her nude show, then went to the base of the 
mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her
to a hospital.

In the emergency room she was regrouping when a 
man with a broken leg was put in a bed next to hers.
"So, how'd you break your leg?" She asked, making small talk.
"It was the darndest thing you ever saw," he said 
"I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe 
my eyes.  There was this crazy woman skiing backwards out of 
control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out.  
I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't
realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift.  So how'd 
you break your arm?"