FUNNY SIGNS FOUND ON REAL BUSINESSES

Sign on an electrician's truck:  Let us remove
your shorts.

Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on labor day.

Non-smoking area:  If we see you smoking we will
assume you on fire  and take appropriate action.

On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push

On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a
vegetarian except the dog.

Optometrist's Office:  If you don't see what
you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

Scientist's Door: Gone Fission

Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.

Podiatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels.

Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.

Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first 
crash condition

Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is 
expensive."

Car Dealership:  The best way to get back on
your feet - miss a car payment.

Muffler Shop:  No appointment necessary.  We'll
 hear you coming.

Hotel:                 "Help!" We need inn -
 experienced people.

Butcher's Window:      Pleased to meat you.

Auto Body Shop:        May we have the next dents?

Sign in an office:     We shoot every 3rd
 salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

Veterinarians Waiting Room:  Be back in 5 minutes.
  Sit!  Stay!

The Electric Company:  We would be delighted if
you send in your bill. However, if you don't, 
you will be.

Beauty Shop:      Dye now!

Garbage Truck:    We've got what it takes to take
 what you've got.

Computer Store:   Out for a quick byte.

Diner Window:     Don't stand there and be hungry,
 come in and get fed up.

Bowling Alley:    Please be quiet.  We need to
 hear a pin drop.

Cafeteria:        Shoes are required to eat in the
cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Music Library:    Bach in a minuet.

Funeral Home:     Drive carefully, we'll wait.