Comments found in employees performance appraisals...
 
  - Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
 
  - Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
 
  - A room temperature IQ.
 
  - Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

  - A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
 
  - A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
 
  - A prime candidate for natural deselection.
 
  - Bright as Alaska in December.
 
  - One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
 
  - Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
 
  - Fell out of the family tree.
 
  - Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
 
  - Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
 
  - He's so dense, light bends around him.
 
  - If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
 
  - If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
 
  - If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
 
  - If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
 
  - It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
 
  - One neuron short of a synapse.
 
  - Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
 
  - Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 minutes.
 
  - Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
 
  - Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
 
 - Dumb as a box of rocks.

 - Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom..and.. has started to dig. 
 
 - His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
  
 - I would not allow this employee to breed.
  
 - This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite won't be'.
  
 - Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  
 - When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
  
 - He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. 
 
 - This young lady has delusions of adequacy. 
 
 - He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.