THE ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a Police Officer:

 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
 2. That uniform makes your butt look really big.
 3. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
 4. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
 5. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing 
     my ticket.
 6. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up 
     with me!
 7. Good job!  I thought you had to be in relatively good 
     physical condition to be a police officer.
 8. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high 
     school instead.
 9. Bad Cop!  No Donut!
10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. When you smack the crap out of me, make sure you smile 
     pretty for the camcorder.
12. I pay your salary!
13. Gee, thanks officer!  That's terrific.  The last officer 
     only gave me a warning too!
14. Do you know why you pulled me over?  Okay, just so one of 
     us does.
15. I was trying to keep up with traffic.  Yes, I know there is 
     no other 
    car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
16. Sorry, I can't hear you over the radio.  No I am not turning 
     it down.  I love this song.
17. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun 
     fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and 
     the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
18. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?