A guy is having marital problems.  He and the wife are not 
communicating at all and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store 
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialized
in parrots.  As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one
with no feet.  Surprised, he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto
the perch?"  The parrot says, "With my prick, you dummy."
  
The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a 
parrot."  The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated 
parrot.  I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject 
you wish."  The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was 
looking for."  The parrot says "There's not much of a market for 
maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I'll bet 
he'll sell me." The guy buys the parrot and for three months things 
go great.  When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton 
said this, the A's won, the Giants lost, the pope did so and so. 
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing 
athim and says,
"Come in and shut the door."  The guy says, "What's up?"  

The parrot says, "I don't know how to tell you this, but the 
mailman came today.  Your wife answered the door in her negligee 
and he kissed her right on the lips."  The guy says, "Oh, a 
momentary flight of passion." The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but 
then he fondled her breasts."  The guy says, "He did??" 
The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee down and started 
sucking on her breasts."  The guy says, "My God, what happened 
next?!?" The parrot says, "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell 
off my perch!"