If Microsoft Sold Cars to Their Average Customer...

Of course they would have to have a 'Help-Line' since Lord knows, their 
customers need as much help as they can get...

Help-Line:  Microsoft Motors Help-line, how can I help you?

Customer:   I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!

Help-Line:   Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?

Customer:   What's an ignition?

Help-Line:   It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
and  turns over the engine.

Customer:   Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all  these technical terms just to use my car?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help-Line:   Microsoft Motors Help-line, how can I help you?

Customer:   My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!

Help-Line:   Is the gas tank empty?

Customer:   Huh? How do I know?

Help-Line:   There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?

Customer:   It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?

Help-Line:   It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some  more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to 
install  it for you.

Customer:   What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
have  to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with 
everything  built in!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help-Line:   Microsoft Motors Help-line, how can I help you?

Customer:   Your cars stink!

Help-Line:   What's wrong?

Customer:   It crashed, that's what wrong!

Help-Line:   What were you doing?

Customer:   I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator 
pedal  all the way to the floor. It worked for  awhile and then it 
crashed and  it won't start now!

Help-Line:   It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
you expect us to do about it?

Customer:   I want you to send me the latest version that doesn't crash
any more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Help-Line:   Microsoft Motors Help-Line, how can I help you?

Customer:   Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power  
brakes, and power door locks.

Help-Line:   Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?

Customer:   How do I work it?

Help-Line:   Do you know how to drive?

Customer:   Do I know how to what?

Help-Line:   Do you know how to drive?

Customer:   I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!

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