"Men & Women Compared"

NICKNAMES
 If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch,
 they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and
 Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a
 pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as
 FatBoy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

 EATING OUT
 When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John
 will each throw in $20, even though it's only for
 $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller,
 and none will actually admit they want change back.
 When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
 calculators.

 MONEY
 A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman
 will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

 BATHROOMS
 A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
 from the Holiday Inn.    The average number of
 items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A
 man would not be able to identify most of these items.

 ARGUMENTS
 A woman has the last word in any argument.
 Anything a man says after that is the beginning of
 a new argument.

 CATS
 Women love cats.  Men say they love cats, but when
 women aren't looking, men kick cats.

 FUTURE
 A woman worries about the future until she gets a
 husband.  A man never worries about the future until
 he gets a wife.

 SUCCESS
 A successful man is one who makes more money
 than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one
 who can find such a man.

 MARRIAGE
 A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
 but he doesn't.   A man marries a woman expecting
 that she won't change and she does.

 DRESSING
 A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read
a book, get the mail.  A man will dress up for
weddings, funerals.

 LOOKS
 Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
 Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 OFFSPRING
 Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
 She knows about dentist appointments and
 romances, best friends and favorite foods and
 secret fears and hopes and dreams.   A man is
 vaguely aware of some short people living in the
 house.