DIARY ENTRIES FROM IOWA THAT'LL MAKE YOU LAUGH

Aug 1
	Moved to our new home in Iowa.  It is so beautiful here.  
        The hills are so picturesque.  Can hardly wait to see them 
        covered with snow.  Gods Country. I LOVE IT HERE.

Oct 14
	Iowa is the most beautiful place on earth.  The leaves are 
        turning all different colors.  I love the shades of red and 
        orange.  Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer.  
        They are so graceful.  Certainly they are the most peaceful 
        animals on e arth.  This must be paradise.  
        I LOVE IT HERE.

Nov 11
	Deer season will open soon.  I can't imagine anyone wanting 
        to kill such an elegant creature.  The very symbol of peace 
        and tranquillity.  Hope it will snow soon.  
        I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec 2
	It snowed last night.  Woke up to find everything blanketed 
        in white.  It looked like a postcard.  Went outside and 
        cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway.  We 
        had a snowball fight today.  (I won).  When the snowplow 
        came by we had to shovel the driveway again.  What a 
        beautiful place.  Mother Nature in perfect harmony.  
        I LOVE IT HERE

Dec 12
	More snow last night. I love it.  The snowplow did it's 
        trick again (that rascal).  A winter wonderland. 
        I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec 19 
	Snowed again last night.  Couldn't get out of the driveway 
        to get to work this time.  I'm exhausted from shoveling.   
        Fucking Snowplow!

Dec 22
	More of that white shit fell last night.  I've got blisters 
        on my hands from shoveling I think the snowplow hides around 
        the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling.  That Asshole!

Dec 25
	"White Christmas" my busted ass.  More fucking snow.  If I 
        ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that 
        snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard.  Don't 
        know why they don't use more salt on this fucking ice.

Dec 28
	More of the same shit last night.  Been inside since Christmas 
        day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by.  Can't go anywhere.  
        The car is buried in a mountain of white shit.  The weatherman 
        says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight.  Do you know 
        how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

Jan 1
	Happy Fucking New Year.  The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN).  
        We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time.  At this rate it 
        won't melt until the 4th of July.  The snowplow got stuck down 
        the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door 
        and ask to borrow my shovel I told him I broke 6 shovels already, 
        shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway.  
        I broke the 7th over his fucking head.

Jan 4
	Finally got out of the house today.  Went to the store to get food 
        and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the 
        fucker.  Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car.  Wish the hunters 
        would have killed all those mother fuckers last November.

May 3	
	Took the car to the garage today.  Would you believe the body is 
        rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over 
        the roads.  It really looks like a piece of shit.

May 10
	Moved to Georgia today.  I can't imagine why anyone in their right 
        fucking mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Iowa.