Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in
the hospital, near death. The family called their
preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's
condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned
frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece
of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to
scribble a note, then he died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note
at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he
realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was
wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just
before he died.  I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred,
I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read, "Hey, you're
standing on my oxygen tube!"
       ****************************


  "HEART ATTACK"
  ===============
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to
the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near
death experience. During that experience she sees God
and ask if this is it.

God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to
live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the
hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast
augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

She even has someone come in and change her hair color.
She figures since she's got another 30 years she might
as well make the most of it.  She walks out of the hospital
after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance
speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and complains:
"I thought you said I had another 30 years.

God replies, "I didn't recognize you."