"Top Ten Elf Pet Peeves"

   10. After too much egg nog, Mrs. Claus is "all hands". 

   9. Ever since they hit the big time, those damn Keebler Elves act
   like we don't exist. 

   8. Santa keeps asking, "Does this suit make me look fat?" 

   7. That idiot Blitzen always mistaking you for a chew toy. 

   6. You're enjoying the jacuzzi, and Santa gets in naked. 

   5. Now have to work through coffee breaks thanks to the
   McCaughey septuplets. 

   4. It's at least a thousand miles from North Pole to nearest strip
   club. 

   3. Next to "race" on the census forms, there's never a box marked
   "elf". 

   2. Hookers who laugh when you take your pants off. 

   1. Health plan doesn't cover sleigh rash.