THINGS THAT BOTHER ME:  
  
 
 The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no 
 genitals.
 
 When something is "new and improved", which is it?  
 If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.  If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something wrong with it before.
 
 People who are willing to get off their ass to search
 the room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and
change the channel manually.
  
 
 The Norwich Life commercial where the old fart
 answers the phone, says  hello and then immediately
 tells his wife "It's Patrick!  He bought life insurance!"  Excuse me?
how did Patrick find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed
between "Hello" and It's Patrick". And why the hell do you have big
sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone?  Do you people
play Pictionary over the phone often?
 
 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?  What, should I eat
someone else's cake instead?
 
 When people say "It's always in the last place youlook".  Of course  it
is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?  Do people do
this?  Who and where are they?
 
 When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No
dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing
over there.  What did you come here for?
 
 The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't
drink and drive. I don't".  Well, I hope  you don't drive sober either
Mr. Healey. You're blind as a fucking bat!
 
 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"  Didn't really give me a
choice, did ya there buddy?
 
 People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.  I know
where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours?  Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?