BART SIMPSON'S PUNISHMENT

 The opening credits of The Simpson's shows Bart Simpson writing the
same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, the old "write it 1OO
times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each episode
is different.

 Someone apparently went to the trouble of taping all the Simpson's,
watching them all and writing down what Bart is writing on the board.
These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the opening
credits. Even if you're not a fan you'll like these.



  I will not carve gods.

  I will not spank others.

  I will not aim for the head.

  I will not barf unless I'm sick

  I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

  I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.

  I will not conduct my own fire drills.

  Funny noises are not funny.

  I will not snap bras.

  I will not fake seizures.

  This punishment is not boring and pointless.

  My name is not Dr. Death.

  I will not defame New Orleans.

  I will not prescribe medication.

  I will not bury the new kid.

  I will not teach others to fly.

  I will not bring sheep to class.

  A burp is not an answer

  Teacher is not a leper.

  Coffee is not for kids.

  I will not eat things for money.

  I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.

  The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.

  I will not call the principal "spud head".

  Goldfish don't bounce.

  Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.

  No one is interested in my underpants.

  I will not sell miracle cures.

  I will return the seeing-eye dog.

  I do not have diplomatic immunity.

  I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

  I will never win an Emmy.

  The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.

  All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.

  I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.

  I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.

  My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.

  I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.

  I am not deliciously saucy.

  Organ transplants are best left to professionals.

  I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.

  There are plenty of businesses like show business.

  Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.

  I will not waste chalk.

  I will not skateboard in the halls.

  Underwear should be worn on the inside.

  The Christmas Pageant does not stink.

  I will not torment the emotionally frail.