This is how a Dear Abby column may read if she were a he:

Dear Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be encouraged. The
man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from
being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get
back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional
and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to
do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal 
and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue,
this will bring all of the family together. Why not some cousins
involved?  If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your 
relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal 
and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband to be still pines for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid  he
will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase
with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women,
your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to
buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't
mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to
you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely
painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him,
buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to
video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at car-boot sales. To
ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present, and cook him
a nice meal.