"AT THE BEEP..."
 
 Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World
 Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:
 
 10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
 leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
 
 9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
 messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their
 carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need
 their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home
 phone number and they will get back to you.
 
 8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
 thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
 number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning
 your call.
 
 7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
 Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
 one of these magnets.
 
 6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the
 money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you
 didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.
 If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.
 
 5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
 we're not here. So, leave a message.
 
 4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a
 "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.
 
 3. Hi. Now YOU say something.
 
 2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
    Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
 

 And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and
 Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine
 Messages.
 
 1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
 right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
 it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So
 leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you
 back.